Must share, will laugh

From one dog to another.

You should have your human fixed, even if it's a purebred human. There are
too many humans, and our big cities are over populated with them to the
point where we are unable to feed and shelter all of them.

If your human talks too much, we suggest using a shock collar.

If you must breed your human, even though we do not believe there are any
good reasons for breeding humans, at least do genetic screening to help
insure your human is a healthy one that conforms to breed standards.

Some humans are very hyper and will pull on their leash constantly. For
these extreme cases, we recommend a choker collar.

If your human is aggressive and frequently starts fights, please put a
muzzle on it when you take it out in public.

You should feed your human something better than Purina human chow.

If your human is sick, you should not put it down just because you can't
afford the cost of surgery. You should re-arrange your budget or mortgage
your dog house.

Don't buy a human for your puppy just to teach it responsibility.

You should always carry "money" treats to reward your human. Humans love
money and will do almost anything for money treats.

If your human attacks a dog, it should be put to sleep.

If you already own a male & a female human, you should be careful about
getting a third human. Two males will often fight very aggressively for
the attention of the female, and two females will often do the same over a
male human.

A good way to test a human for temperament is to takes its money or food
away from it to see if it reacts aggressively.

Some humans have a bad habit of peeing in the water bowl; if your human
continuously goes to the bathroom in the house, we suggest you chain it
outside.

To err is human; to forgive, canine.